oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
