Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
