I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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