They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
