Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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