We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
