Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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