Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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