he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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