K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize