I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
