"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
