I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
