Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
