Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
