remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
