i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize