Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
