You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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