3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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