I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So vagazzling was a success
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
