I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
