hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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