He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
