Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize