I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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