btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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