is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
