you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize