Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
