Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
only if we run a train.
done.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
