blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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