Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
