In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
