I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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