Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
