Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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