He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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