I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
