community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
