i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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