ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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