I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
