He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
