My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
