Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
