The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
