I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
