He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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