I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
