what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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