i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
