At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize