Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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