apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
