Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
