Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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