worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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