we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize