note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
