Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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