the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
