there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
