If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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