At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
