the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
