I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My cat gives me a boner
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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