everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize