Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
