Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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