He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
