Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
