All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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