somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
