Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
